Real life/ TV examples (Please excuse my obsession with trash TV for a bit here.)
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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle already had one daughter when she first met her now husband Mauricio. In last season he talked about what it meant for him to date a woman with kids, and he described it BEAUTIFLLY as having the amazing opportunity to see what she’d one day be like as the mother of his kids. They now have three children together. |
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And in tonight’s final episode of the bachelor Jake picked Emily, widow and mother of a 5-year old girl. |
Blending 101: I spent most of last week with some family friends who I jokingly kept referring to as a modern day Brady Bunch (minus Alice.) Both parents are now step-parents to their spouse’s children from prior relationships. While working to build their future together they are also working hard to build relationships with their new step-children. Though they made it look easy – I could tell that a ton of effort is placed in them just supporting each other as they embraced their new roles.
When, why and how do you introduce your kid to someone you’re dating?
My son has yet to be truly invested in a relationship with anyone I’ve dated – and so far that’s worked great for us. Of course there’s no sure-fire fail-proof way of keeping your kid safe from falling in love with someone you soon after fall out of love with, but for me it’s more important that I’ve worked out the kinks well before introducing my third-party. But if, and in the spirit of being hopefully I’ll say when it one day does come to the point where I want to make such introductions – how?
Really – I would love to hear how others have taken that leap from dating to “now I’d like you to meet my kids.”
Hmmm, I can't speak too much from my personal experience but my brother is now married with a "step" daughter. I don't think it was ever so much an issue for him, and he treats his daughter as if she's his own blood, which is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI know for him, he wasn't really dating just to date, and so I think that made the transition easier for the two of them. He approached the situation with the mindset of having a future with the woman, and so I think that is why it worked out.
However, this could potentially backfire, like you said, if the young one falls in love while you fall out of love. It's never simple.
No worries Bengemin- I can't speak from personal experience either. :) But I guess it is beautiful when it works!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, I think that it should be a case by case decision. However, casual dating has no place for a child. Whereas that is the norm these days so it does get complicated. The initial dating process normally starts off casual until both parties have weighed their options. Meaning, one decides whether to cut off all other prospects. Personal I think we need to get back to being authentic and dating with purpose not dating to just date.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Tough question. I'd say go w/ your intuition and add and few months to your intuition's timeline :-)
ReplyDeleteI'd say if you think it's right, say a prayer and go for it. You're a smart woman with a good head on your shoulders. We try to protect our kids, but life is life and mommy will make the best decisions she knows how to make at the time she has to make them. If it's your time... go for it.
ReplyDeleteI have the perfect addition to your post.
ReplyDeleteI have been a step-parent for eight years now to five children, plus I have two of my own. Manning a blended family is no easy task. But what about the children?
Eight years back, my daughter had a tough time sharing her existing family with step-siblings, especially them being boys. That prompted me to write a picture book, STEP ONE, STEP TWO, STEP THREE AND FOUR which will be out before the New Year.
I'm writing to you to see if you'd be interested in possibly two ideas. To read the manuscript, and if you found it helpful, adding the link to your blog. Also, I'd appreciate if after reading it you could write a simple one or two endorsement review of the book’s worth to step-families who need something to make the transition easier. If the above isn’t doable I’d appreciate an interview to your blog/website. While I know I'm not a well-known author as some, I know this book will be helpful to so many children struggling to adjust to a new life situation.
Below is a brief synopsis of the book:
This only child loves her family of two. Yet, her mother is about to turn everything upside-down when she announces she’s getting married. To the child’s dismay, their family “will include a few more, STEP ONE,
STEP TWO,
STEP THREE
AND FOUR.” The little girl does everything possible to keep this event from happening. See if she eventually comes to realize there are some benefits to her new blended family.
This rhythmic picture book was nominated as a finalist in the picture book category for the 2012 National Association of Elementary School Principals contest. Children ages 4 to 8 will be connected and entertained with the Suessical narrative feel. This story takes a more whimsical approach to a child’s life altering event, and looks at the positive aspects of having a growing family.
Please don't hesitate to look at my social platform. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them. I'd relish in the possibility of you promoting my book.
All my best,
Maria Ashworth